Practise an LNAT essay, then improve one paragraph

Response 1: a list of points

Readable and sincere, but it never decides what it thinks, so the reader cannot tell what it is arguing. 223 words.

1. Doctors have a very difficult job and they have to make many decisions every day. One of the hardest is whether to tell a patient the truth about their illness. There are many arguments on both sides of this question and in this essay I will look at some of them.

   NoteThe first paragraph only restates the question. A reader who stops here still does not know the writer's answer.

2. Firstly, some patients might be very upset if they found out they had a serious illness. My grandmother was very ill and the family decided not to tell her everything because it would have made her worried. The family believed this kept her calmer in her last months. This shows that sometimes it is better not to know, and doctors should think about this.

   NoteA personal story can illustrate a point, but one family's choice cannot show what doctors should do, and how she would have felt if told is a guess. The claim also slides from family to doctor without saying so.

3. Secondly, patients have a right to know about their own body. If a doctor hides the truth then the patient cannot make decisions about treatment. Also it is the law that doctors have to get consent, so they might get in trouble if they do not tell the patient. Patients also trust doctors and they would be upset to find out later.

   NoteThis paragraph gives a stronger reason for disclosure: patients need information to make treatment decisions. The essay never says whether that reason outweighs the grandmother example or allows an exception.

4. Thirdly, in some countries doctors do not tell patients the truth, and in other countries they do. So it depends on the culture.

   NoteAn unsupported generalisation. "It depends" is a conclusion only if the essay says what it depends on.

5. In conclusion, there are good arguments on both sides and it is a very difficult question. Doctors should think carefully about each patient.

   NoteThe ending repeats the opening. Every point so far has been listed and none has been weighed.

The one change that would help most: Choose an answer in the first paragraph, then use the grandmother example as the objection the essay has to answer.